Losses and gains

I think I lost a friend a fortnight past.

Not for any good reason really, and not because I wasn’t holding on tight enough. He just didn’t want to be held. He wants to fall away from this friendship, like he’s fallen away from so many, because he doesn’t care enough about himself. And therefore cannot let himself care much for others.
It is and will be a great sorrow to me, one that shall not pass easily, but one I must allow. Letting go is just so hard to do. And I know it has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with a bucket full of holes.
Just to assuage my loss:

A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found one hath found a treasure.

If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love friends for their sake rather than for our own.
- Charlotte Bronte

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil -- but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small silly presents every so often -- just to save it from drying out completely
- Pam Brown

and then, a miracle! Even with the current loss eating away at me, a new and profoundly unusual situation (for me) has occurred. It must be God. I have a 30 yr old man wanting to be my friend, calling me beautiful, and persisting in asking me out. Now, I can’t tell you the last time that happened, but my self-confidence has taken a great leap forward. A man young enough to be my son finds me attractive. WOW.
Oh, and NO, I am not going to take him up on it. But what a mighty encouragement it was to have been in the centre of such a storm of interest and enthusiasm.

Oh, if you were expecting the usual photos and superficial comments, I can only promise you that this profound unveiling of my deepest feelings won’t happen again. Not soon anyway.